** Crank up the volume & get your groove on!! **
I was driving about town today & the song "Dog Days are Over" by Florence + the Machine came on, it flashed me back to a night almost 2 years ago after a particularly bad date & belting this song out at the top of my lungs the whole way home. Such a cleansing experience!
Since then it's kinda turned into a power anthem for me.
That night I was shouting away all the horrible dates I'd been on, all the men who pushed just a bit too far, & it felt GOOD!
I felt stronger, more "me" knowing what I want & not settling anymore cuz maaaaybe he'll be different next time.
It was definitely a turning point that night & when I think of the journey of the past year, it couldn't have happened w/o that night, that experience, that awakening...
Today when I heard it I got that same rejuvenated feeling.
Maybe its because I've been on hiatus for a few days & actually have gotten some sleep, but when I woke today I knew it was gonna be a good day &
I WAS GLAD TO BE ME & Florence just proved me right!
I'm gonna admit these past few weeks have not been the best, but what doesn't kill ya makes you stronger, right?
Starting a new job & calling it quits on my first love all in the same week, not the best plan...
Turns out the job is WAY more intense than I anticipated, the hours, the actors...but in some ways it has been my saving grace.
I am so thankful for its distraction, keeping my mind busy & me...just active, versus being a blob on the couch watching "Bridget Jones" over & over
(although I do need a day like that...wish there were some good new rom-coms, oh maybe a new one with Colin Firth...such a sucker for that accent)
I've never been through this whole break-up process before ~ first love equals first heartbreak ~ I'd love any advice on what worked for you to help get you through one...
I mean, some days I'm on set surrounded by tons of people & yet I feel so utterly alone.
So many new faces around me, all of us wrapped up in the chaos of the day...
Right now I feel lost in the shuffle. No one around me knows whats going on, or knows me enough to ask how I'm doing, but yet if I'm asked do I really want to think about it? Better yet, answer truthfully?
The thing I think I miss most is talking to him throughout the day & just knowing that somebody is thinking of you.
I loved getting the tweet of a text, telling me his latest, asking about mine, two worlds sharing, creating their own...
He' s on my mind everyday, I see something cool & I want to share it with him.
I hear something funny that I know he'll laugh at & I want to text it, but I know its best not to...
Its a quiet world without the tweets.
Another girlfriend working her way thru a breakup too has been a good motivator of getting me out of the house on the weekends (thank you!)
Friends & activities are the best medicine!
One night at LACMA, getting our art groove on, I saw how shallow the dating pool has gotten...I don't think I'm ready for this yet.
She met a couple of guys while in line for a cocktail, both unemployed, & we'll just say the guy I got left talking to may have a dead body or two in his basement, he really disturbed me. If I was to create a character after him you'd say I was trying too hard, no one like that exists...yes, yes he does.
(brrrrr, shaking that one off)
A few times these past couple of weeks loneliness has won & I've found myself logging into okcupid only to log right back out after a quick scroll...I keep thinking I'm ready to start toying around with dating again, but my immediate physical response once on the site tells me otherwise...
Right now, even though I crave to be in a relationship, none of the process appeals to me...but when it does again, I do have faith I'll find a good one.
So back to where I began, I woke up feeling great today & I now know why ~ I have spent the past 4 days doing what I love & getting back in touch with myself. I'm okay on my own. I've got alot I want to do & that makes me happy.
My current relationship is going to be with myself for a bit.
Now I think I'll go woo myself with a glass of red ~ cheers!
xoxo
